Goodbye for Now

I’ve never been good at goodbyes. The past 3 days have been nothing but tears and hard goodbyes, to people who were complete strangers a month ago. Who knew that someone in another continent could change your life so much and impact your decisions forever?

A few memories are flooding my mind about my time in Nsoko. The second day we were there, Dylan (a teammate) and I were on trash duty. We were struggling to light the fire to burn it; the wind was crazy and we had no wood. Outside the fence was KO and Dadada, two kids who hung around the care point. They were telling us to go under the chicken coop so the wind wouldn’t be a problem, and they ran and got cardboard for us to use. FINALLY the fire started after 15 minutes and 11 matches!! The boys ran to the front of the house, I walked out and thanked them. Dadada said “can I have a pool?” I kept telling him I didn’t understand. So he got down in the ground, cleared a path, and wrote “Apple” in the dirt. It absolutely broke my heart (we aren’t allowed giving the kids anything for several reasons). They worked so hard to help us with the fire, and all they wanted was an apple. If we’re being honest, that 1 Apple probably would’ve been the only thing they ate the entire day. It really showed me how broken the world truly is.

I also have memories that I’ll never forget, but for different reasons… One Sunday after church my team decided to go play soccer with some of the local kids/adults. Let’s just remember that I, Rachel Hakes, do NOT play soccer. I made myself the designated cheerleader, but the locals weren’t having it so I decided to play! The previous day I bought some sunglasses so I wore them (obviously I had to look glamorous). We played for a good hour! Halfway in I said, “I’m surprised I haven’t gotten hit in the face with the ball.” Not 30 seconds later, I see my life flash before my eyes as a soccer ball destroys my face. I immediately start laughing out of pure shock. Danni (one of the locals) ran straight to me and hugged me. Honestly it was super funny, but I’m still convienced I got a minor concussion!

In all seriousness, it’s hard for me to see it as a blessing right now, but God has given me a heart that hurts for others especially in a time of leaving. I woke up Sunday with my heart physically hurting. Such a deep sorrow that I can’t put into words. After talking to one of my leaders, I realized that God breaks my heart, for what breaks His. My heart isn’t hurting just because I’ll miss them. It’s hurting because my time here in Nsoko isn’t finished. Whether that be needing to pray for the people, or if my physical job isn’t done. Whatever it is, I’m 100% open to whatever God calls me to do. As I’m currently sitting on a bus driving to my new home for the next 2 months, I feel a peace about leaving. I know I’m not done with Nsoko, not yet! I’m struggling to see myself getting as close with the next group of workers and kids in Manzini as I did in Nsoko. Only through God’s grace and your prayers will I be able to set my pride and feelings aside. Allowing myself to be Jesus’ hands and feet to the least of these, making disciples of all nations as He calls us to do in Matthew 28. I’m beyond excited to see what all He has in store for my life over the next two months!