Friends,

          Over the past week and a half I have tried to figure out how to emotionally detach myself from everything I have come to know and love here in Swaziland. The things I have experienced during my three months here will now always be a part of who I am, a part of my story, but it is time to go home and start the next chapter of my life.

            During the past three months the Lord has taken me through some healing from things in my past that have left wounds, and I don't think that would have happened if I was still at home. The Lord has taught me so much about what prayer should look like, but most importantly how powerful it is. I don't think I would have learned that lesson to the extent that I did if I was still living in my comfortable American life. The Lord has taught me how important it is to have a strong Christian community to be a part of. Just last night we listened to a teaching and the preacher was talking about five things we need for the road ahead. One of those things is traveling companions. It is important to have people walking along side me to hold me accountable, challenge me, teach me, love me, be honest with me, and many other things. When I get home that is something I will be seeking out. 

            So the Lord has taught me a lot about how my life needs to change or how I need to grow, but He also chose me to be a part of so many people's lives while being here. This week I had to say goodbye to more people than I think I ever have in my whole life. I taught Religion Education at a Primary school as well as Life Orientation to so many children. I loved spending a lot of my time with them, but I had to pass the responsibility on to someone else. I went to the hospital and met new people that I built relationships with or just met once, but I still had to tell them goodbye. I went to two different care points where I got to love on so many precious children and no matter how much I didn't want to, I still had to tell them all goodbye. As I was telling everyone goodbye the thoughts went through my mind such as: "will these children at the school still receive the education about who created them and why their lives are so important?" and "will there be anyone who steps out of their comfort zone to spend time with the sick and hurting at the hospital?" and "who will continue to love on and hug the beautiful children at the care points?". The Lord quickly reminded me was that I am not the one who made any kind of impact on the people I spent time with, but instead it was HIM in me. He chose me to be a vessel here in Swaziland, but with or without me He would still be able to do everything that I was a part of.

            It is hard to leave a place or environment that has allowed so much to happen in my life, but as we are preparing to head back to America my prayer is that the presences that is missed is not mine, or anyone from my team, but that they realize what they are missing in the presence of Jesus that is in us. We continually prayed that we would be hidden behind the cross, that everyone would see Jesus and not us. I pray that by us being here the people we met and built relationships will crave the presence of our Lord more than ever.

                God did not intend for this trip to consist of three months of ministry and then end. He has used it to build me up into more of the woman of He desires me to be which is something that will last me forever. There are things that I have experienced here that I will never forget. There are lessons that I've learned that will benefit me in the future. There are challenges that God has brought me through that have further built my character. There are gifts that God has given me and gifts that God has shown me I already have that I can now use for the rest of my life.

I've already talked some about a lady at the Hope house named Cynthia. She really defines the word precious. On Monday I went in to visit her. We just sat with her for a little while and decided to share some verses with her. I had felt I was supposed to share a verse with her last week but I didn't get a chance to. One of my teammates shared the verse Romans 8:28 with her.

 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

The verse I had felt I needed to share with her last week related to this and so I decided it would be a good idea to still share it.

1 John 4:7-12

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."

 

Luke 10:18   He replied, "I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you."

God has given me the authority to do great things in His name. I have been given power over the enemy and have been anointed to do the will of the Lord. Many times in my life lies have been whispered to me that I am too young, I am too unlearned, I don't have wisdom, I have nothing to offer, but God sees me for what I am and gives me what I need to overcome. I may be young but the Holy Spirit lives within me. I don't know the bible as well as others but I know the gospel and the truth of my salvation. I don't have an offering that is worthy of the Lord but God sees my heart and says, "That's exactly what I want."

Only one week of ministries here remain before we begin preparing for our return home. I know that in a week's time there is little impact that can be made by one person. But I am not walking in my own authority but am walking in the authority of the Risen Lord that has been bestowed on me. He goes before me and will do great things with the time that I bring Him. I praise God that it is not by my strength that I serve but it is by the strength of the Almighty God.

On Tuesday I went to the hospital and stayed in the children's ward the whole time. Helelo Improved a lot over this past week so she was able to go home with her mother. I visited with the woman who had a baby next to Helelo's bed. Her name was Noela Mikango and she was there with her neighbor's six week old daughter. Noela lives in the appartment next to Salima's mother and helped take care of Salima and her two brothers Gaby (2) and Nehemiah (5). The doctor came over to explain the baby's condition to me.

I learned that this baby's mother, Mhake (Si'Swati word for mother) Bwendwa had passed away last Tuesday. After she gave birth to her child, Salima Bwendwa, Mhake Bwendwa had a stroke and was paralized on her left side. Because of this, Salima became severly malnourished over the next five weeks. Her mother was not able to properly take care of and feed her after suffering from the stroke.

On March 28th, Mhale Bwendwa asked her pastor to come to her home to be with her as she passed. She knew her days were few. For three days she listened to her pastors words and worshiped Jesus Christ. At 3pm on March 31st, she asked Noela to take care of Nehemiah, Gaby, and Noela after she died. At 7pm the same day, she fell asleep and never woke up. With tears in her eyes, Noela told me about the loss of her close friend and the struggles of now having three more children to care for.

Noela Has a three year old of her own, three more in primary school, two in high school, one in university, and one that is finished with school. It is hard enough to pay for school fees and feed her own children. Now it is even harder because she cannot work in the market while Salima needs to eat every three hours. She was also born pre-mature at 7 and a half months. So fighting against malnourishment and pre-mature birth is keeping her on a strict eating schedule.

 So where is the father in all of this? The father left when Mhake Bwendwa was just three moths pregnant. He knew his wife was becoming ill, and approaching death, and did not want the responsibility of three young children all to himself. He left the country and never returned, even after his daughter was born.

As sad as this situation is, it is happening everywhere here. Children aren't being fed and they become malnourished. Fathers are abandoning thier role and responsibity as providers. An entire generiation is being raised by grandmas because HIV/AIDS is wiping out their parents generation. Neighbors are takeing in kids because there is no more family left to step up. Babys being left on the doorsteps of a hospital is common.

I am so thankful that I got the opportunity to talk to Noela. I got to sit and talk to a woman who boldly said, with her words and with her life, that she loves God. She is so unsure of the day-to-day but so faithful that God will provide what she needs to take care of these three new children. She is literally His hands and feet to Salima, Gaby, and Nehemiah. She is a radiant light and shining example of Christs love for us. She Cares. She Gives. She Loves.