Over the past week and a half I have tried to
figure out how to emotionally detach myself from everything I have come to know
and love here in Swaziland. The things I
have experienced during my three months here will now always be a part of who I
am, a part of my story, but it is time to go home and start the next chapter of
my life.
During
the past three months the Lord has taken me through some healing from things in
my past that have left wounds, and I don’t think that would have happened if I
was still at home. The Lord has taught
me so much about what prayer should look like, but most importantly how
powerful it is. I don’t think I would
have learned that lesson to the extent that I did if I was still living in my
comfortable American life. The Lord has
taught me how 
important it is to have a strong Christian community to be a part
of. Just last night we listened to a
teaching and the preacher was talking about five things we need for the road
ahead. One of those things is traveling
companions. It is important to have
people walking along side me to hold me accountable, challenge me, teach me,
love me, be honest with me, and many other things. When I get home that is something I will be
seeking out.
So
the Lord has taught me a lot about how my life needs to change or how I need to
grow, but He also chose me to be a part of so many people’s lives while being
here. This week I had to say goodbye to
more people than I think I ever have in my whole life. I taught Religion Education at a Primary school
as well as Life Orientation to so many children. I loved spending a lot of my time with them,
but I had to pass the responsibility on to someone else. I went to the 
hospital and met new people
that I built relationships with or just met once, but I still had to tell them
goodbye. I went to two different care
points where I got to love on so many precious children and no matter how much
I didn’t want to, I still had to tell them all goodbye. As I was telling everyone goodbye the
thoughts went through my mind such as: “will these children at the school
still receive the education about who created them and why their lives are so
important?” and “will there be anyone who steps out of their comfort
zone to spend time with the sick and hurting at the hospital?” and
“who will continue to love on and hug the beautiful children at the care
points?”. The Lord quickly reminded me was that I am not the one who made
any kind of impact on the people I spent time with, but instead it was HIM in me. He chose me to be a vessel here in Swaziland,
but with or without me He would still be able to do everything that I was a
part of.
It
is hard to leave a place or environment that has allowed so much to happen in
my life, 
but as we are preparing to head back to America my prayer is that the
presences that is missed is not mine, or anyone from my team, but that they
realize what they are missing in the presence of Jesus that is in us. We continually prayed that we would be hidden
behind the cross, that everyone would see Jesus and not us. I pray that by us being here the people we met and built relationships will crave the presence of our Lord more than ever.
