It’s hard to believe that this past Sunday marked exactly 1 month since I have left home. Within this month ever fiber of my being has been tested, stretched, pushed, and molded. Battling living discomforts, homesickness, and physical sickness has not made this first month a walk in the park. There have been moments of unexplainable joy followed my moments of doubt and exhaustion. Yet in all of this, God has shown me the most abundant source of strength and comfort. As I have been reading through Paul’s letters I am captivated by his missionary journeys. While I have not sought nearly as many trials and persecutions that he did on his journeys, I am starting to understand to some degree the process and emotional roller coaster he faced during his time of ministry. The most powerful thing God is showing me through Paul’s words comes from 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. Here Paul writes, “Each time he [the Lord] said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles, that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” This passage has come alive and taken on such a greater meaning in my life this past week. There have been so many times where I think to myself, there is no way I can do this. This past weekend we went to a place called Execution Rock and I was not feeling the best and felt like the mountain was going to conquer me instead of vice versa. The distance and rock seemed daunting and my spirits were that of doubt, but God is so strong in my weaknesses. Struggling this past week with stomach issues had left me feeling weak, homesick, and frustrated. There were so many moments where I wanted to give up, but the Lord wouldn’t let me. He carried me every step of the way. In the evening we have time to give feedback and my leader commended me on being such a trooper through everything, despite not feeling the greatest. As she spoke 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 flashed in my head. Immediately following her appraisals i had to quickly deny any part of having to do with any strength that came from me. I know with every piece of my heart that my strength and my ability to make it through this past week has been straight from the Lord and not of my own. Why? Because the truth is, I’m weak. I’m clumsy. I’m inadequate. I’m not capable. I can not do this on my own. Why am I saying these things? I’m boasting in my weakness. Because like Paul I’m realizing that when i’m willing and able to freely admit my faults and weakness, it is in those moments God’s strength and power can be more fully seen. So I am proud to say that I am weak, I’m proud to say that my body, and heart, and soul are not nearly strong enough to face this life, this week, or even this day on my own. But I rejoice that I don’t have to do this on my own. That because I am God’s beloved child that when I am weak-HE IS STRONG. Paul was really onto something when he wrote those words ha. I am so proud and unashamed of how weak I am; because through my weaknesses I can show people how strong my God is. That my life is living proof that God is working and moving and filling the voids of a broken and weak body. So my hope and prayers are that through my weaknesses others may see how great a God we worship. That he brings us to the mountains in life just to prove that we are more than conquerers when we have his Spirit inside of us. I don’t know exactly what the final 2 months will bring, but I am standing in confidence and boldness knowing that ‘I am weak..but then I am strong.” AMEN 🙂
