So the following are my thoughts and feelings after returning from a home visit a couple days ago. A couple friends and I are getting to know this family really well and I just adore them and I felt so heartbroken at the fact that we’re going to have to leave them, probably to never return again.
“Where has my heart gone? I’m afraid my heart is officially gone now, Lord. I adore that family so much that I’m now wondering how I’m going to be able to leave them in a month. They’re all so precious and loving and it’s such a wonderful feeling to be loved and wanted by that family. People in Swazi are so open and this family has me wrapped around their finger since the first day I met them and I wouldn’t change that for anything! I’m going to miss them so much./ When I first came here, I told myself Swazi wasn’t the place for me and I probably wouldn’t be coming back ever. And while I still know this isn’t the place where God wants me, I wonder how I can just leave all these wonderful people that we’ve formed relationships with, never to return again???? I think about how our hearts aren’t meant to break like this…. and yet it gives us such a clear picture on how great God’s love is for these people. Forlost children. For our suffering. And I feel so unbelievably blessed to understand even just a little bit the extent that God loves His people and how His heart breaks for us. It’s unfathomable how He loves each and every one of us so much more than we even understand. After only a month I’ve fallen in love with so many people and I’m understanding better each and every day how much God loves these people too. I pray that they can understand His love through us also. God bless these wonderful people and I pray that He gives me the strength to love all these people like He does and continue to open my eyes to His wonderful children.
Break my heart for you, Lord. Open my eyes to the way you see YOUR creations.
BREAK AND TEAR APART MY HEART WITH YOUR LOVE.”
So basically to sum up my random thoughts, this is my conclusion. It’s both a blessing and a curse to finally understand, even a little, God’s love for us. For to get to this understanding, you hyave to go through trials.
Happiness.
Joy.
Blessings.
Pain.
Betrayal.
Evil.
Hard times.
Good times.
Depression.
Contentedness.
Love.
Denial.
Rejection.
And most of brokenness.
You have to be torn apart, broken, in billions of pieces, to even begin to understand the love God has for us. It’s a long journey there, one many don’t take, but let me tell you, it’s one you won’t regret taking at the end. I’m afraid I’m on this path and it may be a while before I get to the end. So goodbye world. I hope to see some of you at the finish line. 🙂
1 Corinthians 13: 1-13
