We all walk out of the grocery store with a week’s amount of groceries for sixteen people. Cross the parking lot with all the bags in hand, and load in the van. Sounds fairly normal and make sense… But while in Swaziland, that’s not fairly normal and doesn’t make sense. All eyes in that crowded parking lot are on us. Kombi bus drivers holler and want to take us in their vehicles to our destination. Children stare, and men tell us we are beautiful. Young girls try to sell us icy drinks in plastic bags.
In that moment, who am I?
We sit at the feet of a Go-go at a home visit and hear about her love and passion for the Lord. She tells us in her small, concrete home that all her few possessions and her remaining living family- are not hers; they are all the Lord’s.
At that moment, who am I?
We ride in a hot vehicle down a bumpy, red, dirt road. Cows, goats, cactus, mountains and huts surround me. I wave at children as we pass by. Our Swazi friends speak quickly to each other in a language I know little of.
At that moment, who am I?
I sit on the “front step” of our team house with little miss No Pant’s Nancy fast asleep and drooling on my shirt. Not ten minutes before was she throwing a fit on the ground. Looking down at that four year old, I know there’s just something about holding that sleeping child that melts my heart.
At that moment, who am I?
I see it like an onion. There are many layers of responsibilities and identities I take on every day. I’ve been seen as the rich, white, American, the learner, the visitor and traveler, and a mother figure bringing comfort. But peel back all of those layers. Peel back the identities I’ve taken on here in Swaziland and back at home, where is my identity then? Where is the core? Who am I really?
This week at debrief in Manzini I was able to peel back those layers I had build up around me and recognize who I am and where my worth comes from. I am not defined by being an American; by the clothes I wear, by being a Litwiller, by living in a small town, by having an education, or by anything else that comes my way. I am defined completely upon the fact that the God who made everything, loves me, and calls me Daughter. I am a daughter because Christ traded my sin and gave me his righteousness. There is no other identity I need seek or strive for, because He ultimately is the only one whose thought of me matters.
I’ve heard the Gospel, thousands of times, and my goal has been to live my life seeking the Lord, but something this week clicked. I’m realizing more of what it looks like to surrender my identity to Him everyday and to see all the “layers” in my life, through the central identity that Christ has given me.
Take a look at an onion. I challenge you to peel back those layers in your life and find out what defines you at the core.
