If I’m being honest, I don’t love the snotty noses, the germ covered hands that double as toilet paper, the clothes that are stained with who knows what, or the bare bum that sits on my lap.
If I’m being honest, I’ve convinced a child who peed their pants to play soccer instead of sit on my lap. There have been times where I’ve (regretfully) dodged physical contact with children that would be “too messy” or “too germy.” These kids have my heart, but not always my hand (or lap, shoulders, hair, etc.). I don’t love the dirty, the germy, the messy, or the complicated.
But, if I’m being honest, I see so much of myself in these children. I see me, Lindsay, a complicated mess, someone who is dirty, germy, and soiled. I see myself, someone who should’ve been overlooked, but was radically loved, cleansed, restored, picked up, and carried by a relentless Savior.
“What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord!” Romans 7:24
As I spend time with these children I pray and hope for their spiritual cleansing. I pray that they will know the radical and cleansing love of their Savior. I don’t want to be their Savior, only Jesus can be that, but I do want to be a physical representation of His love. A love that looks past the dirty, that picks you up, carries you, and brings restoration. I want to show these kids radical love in a world that often overlooks them. Not so that they feel loved (which I hope they do), not so they are better physically cared for (which I hope they are), but so they might know and see Jesus more. So what does that mean for me? Getting over my germ-a-phobic ways, embracing the dirt, the mess, and the complicated, and loving these children fully like Christ does.
*** I wrote those words the first week I was here, over a month ago, but I never posted them because of my shame and lack of wifi. I came to Swaziland with the expectation that I would be the one doing the loving. That I would love on all the people here with such genuine passion. While that has happened, and I’ve thankfully been able to move past most all of my initial struggles, it hasn’t been as easy as I imagined. I’ve come to realize how insincere my human heart can be. How I don’t love as fully as Christ, and how much I long to love His people with the same sincerity that He does. More than anything I’ve realized the Father’s love for me is so much deeper than any love I know. Since I’ve been here I’ve prayed that He would break my heart for all that breaks His. I’ve recognized that the Father is the one doing the loving, here on this trip, but in all of life. I’m thankful that He has brought me to Africa, and has given me such a wonderful picture of His merciful love.
How great is the Father’s love for us, how vast beyond all measure.
