Living in Reliance

My team and I just finished a 60 hour fast, starting Tuesday night and ending this morning with worship and communion. Reflecting on these past hungry days, I can easily see that the biggest lesson learned came within an hour of the first day beginning.

Nsipo is out of work. Her husband is out of work. Her children are too young to work. Sometimes there is no food, no water, no comfort. Imagine that.

Nsipo came to do our laundry on Wednesday and only five of us had clothes to be done, and only 150 rands to offer. She was expecting to wash the dusty, mud and sweat stained clothes of all 12 of us, and to put the full 360 rand in her pocket to buy food for her family. My leader, Patrice, had to explain to Nsipo that we did not have more money for her this week. Nsipo’s face scruntched up, confused and masking upset,”But we don’t have any food. We can’t feed our children,” she explained painfully. Patrice came back in to our hut, sobbing. I felt Patrice’s pain for being the messenger, but even more, Nsipo’s pain for her children, their hunger, their uncertainty.

I stood up and looked in my wallet, 210 rand sat in the leather pocket, exactly the amount missing from Nsipo’s payment, exactly enough to pay for the seven teammates who didn’t have dirty clothes or cash to offer. I went outside and took the money to Nsipo. I absolutely could not and cannot let her children starve while money sits in my wallet and food overflows from my fridge. When I handed her the money, she began to cry, saying, “Thank you sissy, thank you. God always provides. He is a faithful and loving God. He will bless your marriage and your husband and your children for generations, thank you, thank you,” and pulled me close. What a beautiful woman. Can you even fathom that faith? She literally relies on the Lord for her family’s day-to-day existence. I like to think that I rely on the Lord with the same drastic abandon, but I know that food is always in reach, water is always in my bottle, my family is always there to comfort me. If the Lord does not pull through for Nsipo, two adults and three babies will perish.

But, that is exactly why they will never faint from hunger or expire from lack of clean water. They FULLY rely on Him. Nsipo has pure and perfect faith, faith that can move mountains, faith that conquered death, faith that turned water in to wine, faith that loves boundlessly, faith that provides.

As a team, we have been praying for a fire to ignite us and for a light to shine about us, for people to look at our group of twelve and see a thirteenth, for our actions to be Jesus and to see people healed. Isaiah 58 says, “Is not this the fast I choose, to loose the bonds of injustice, to undo the thongs of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor in to your house; when you see them naked to cover them and not to hide yourself from your own kin? THEN your light shall break forth like dawn and your healing shall spring up quickly; your vindicator shall go before you and the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.” That is exactly what we have been longing for, so why hasn’t it been given to us?

We must first die to ourselves. We must stop living to satisfy our own needs. Philippians 3:18-20 says, “For many live as enemies of the cross of Christ…their end is destruction; their god is the belly and their glory is in shame; their minds are set on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven, and it is from there that we are expecting a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.” We must stop serving our bellies and finding glory in our shame. Fasting is not about feeling hunger and not eating, it is about breaking our own selfish tunnel vision to notice the pain of our brothers and sisters and to put them ahead of ourselves, to act by Jesus’ example and to lay down our lives for our friends. We must die to ourselves to live for Jesus. Only at that point, the point at which we, “Loose the bonds of injustice, undo the thongs of the yoke, let the oppressed go free, break every yoke… share our bread with the hungry, bring the homeless poor in to our house, see the naked and cover them, satisfy the needs of the afflicted,” that the glory and the fire of the Lord’s presence will fall on us. We must first die to ourselves to fully rely, to find faith like Nsipo’s, and to see the Spirit move. I cannot fully rely on the Lord with my day-to-day existence until I lay it all down, die to myself, and live the One who lives for me. Imagine that.