“And I find myself here on my knees again, caught up in grace like an avalanche. Nothing compares to this love, love, love, burning in my heart.�
During this trip it has been a long slow process of God teaching me to give it all to Him and rely on no part of my own strength because in the end even if my strength is enough to get through the day it won’t provide what the team needs or what I really need either. So it might be ok, but why stick with ok when you can have something much better? So it not only holds me back from my true potential with God but also the lean and what God really has from them. Since even before this trip I have felt the tug to just give it all t him, the only problem was that I didn’t really know what that looked like in someone’s life. Everyone that I talked to about it never really gave me any direction in it either, so it was a bit of a mystery to me.
The reason I mention the song I quoted in the beginning is just because I feel like it describes all of us, but especially me when it comes to giving things up to Him. So many times I find myself on my knees again seeking His grace and guidance. He has been pursuing me for so long and I’ve been so blind to it all, whether it be ignoring His promptings in my life or just being stubborn about giving things up, he has constantly been with me and calling me closer into an intimate relationship with him, but I was so blind to it.
I think what’s happened is that I’ve come to the realization that he actually wants something to do with me. Even though I grew up hearing that in church and what not, I don’t think it ever clicked that it was really a great truth for me, that I’m not in an everlasting chase after God where he won’t meet me along the way. And that whether or not I am actually in his company actually does matter to Him because there is no substitute for me in His kingdom.
So while I’m here stumbling towards Him, constantly seeking grace for my failures and shortcomings, I find hope and peace in the face that when I stumble He catches me every time. And every time I grow farther and deeper in love with who he is through the realization of just how much he really does care for and love me. My only prayer now is that I would no longer live as is I were my own, but live in the realization that I truly was bought at a price because of his great love for me.
A large part of that though, is simply realizing that I am worthy of that and really walking in the truth that no matter what I’ve done or how I see myself that even that even though I might not deserve it, I am worthy of the love simply because of the hope that God had given us. His grace for us really is just like an avalanche; it starts with something small and just grows larger and larger until it consumes everything and cannot be stopped.
