My heart tends to fight for the
underdog and against the big bad bully in nearly every situation. My
heart aches for the ones who are picked on or are generally ignored.
These feelings also surface not only in caring for the underdog but
in disciplining the oppressor (Future Teacher Status).
The “Dump” carepoint in Manzini, is
a place in which the Lord has truly showed me his face and his love
for the ignored of this world. Upon arriving nearly 7 weeks ago and
each Monday that followed, I felt and noticed a continued air of
sexuality and inappropriateness over the young children. They were
winking at us, giving looks that gave me chills, touching us and each
other in inappropriate ways, and saying inappropriate things.
There was one boy in particular that
always seemed too attach on to this persona more than all of the
others. He was also always hitting and pushing all of the other
children. I instantly deemed him “Trouble”, and was constantly
keeping my distant and reprimanding him when he hit or kicked. I
knew who he was and his face stuck with me but for reasons that were
not of the Lord.
Two weeks ago, he was up to his usual
business, and I felt an exceptional pull to him. I felt the need to
pray over the child and ask the Lord to remove the spirits that were
surrounding him. I felt the Lord tell me to pray for his protection
at home and to give him back his beautiful childlike spirit rather
than the one that he currently carried, that was far beyond his
years. I left that particular Monday feeling defeated and aching for
the children especially this little boy. I do not know what their
home lives are like but I do know they are learning and consequently
acting out these characteristics somewhere.
This past Monday when we arrived at the
carepoint, this same little boy caught my eye and I thought there’s
trouble. I wonder what he will be up to today; I had better stay
clear from him. Little did I know the Lord planned to use this
“troubled” child to teach me a major lesson and show me more of
His love for me.
I sat down on in the dirt and was
instantly bombarded with little boys climbing all over me. There
were three in my lap and one that was inconveniently chocking me
while climbing on my back. When the children are chocking me I tend
to quickly push them off my back, but today for some reason I let
them all be. However after about 10 minutes my legs fell terrible
asleep, I made the children stand up but kept the one on my back.
Little did I know “trouble” was on my back. I sat back down and
he was then lying in my lap. He was being good so I let him be.
Over the course of the next three hours we became best friends. The
day was full of laughter, making funny faces, photos, and videos.
The Lord made me fall in love with his beautiful child.
“Trouble” was being a child, a
beautiful 5 year-old-boy. He was simply loving on me and I felt a
bond forming between us. He wasn’t being mean to anyone or doing
things that made me shake my head he was just enjoying his afternoon
playing with this weird white girl. I could not control my smile and
neither could he. It was just the two of us bonding together and
finding a little bit of peace in what must be a hard world even for
this 5 year old boy.
The Lord truly changed my heart for
this boy. He showed me that this little boy is the underdog just as
much as the one he sometimes bullies. He needs love just as much as
the other children. He is angry or doing the things he is doing
because he is lost and doesn’t know the meaning of true love.
As I walked away from the carepoint
that day with my heart full of love for this child and longing to see
him next week, I heard the Lord whisper this is how I felt and feel
about YOU. I was the “trouble” child. I was living my life as
the bully, and often still do, when I was far from the Lord. I was
hurting others both physically and verbally and living my life in
constant defense. I was living as far away from the Lord as
physically possible. Forcing away any sort of love others were
trying to poor into my life. The Lord simply took the time to love
me. He made me feel His love and gave me his full attention and
saved me from my BAD GIRL self and IS TURNING me into the GOOD GIRL
he has designed me to be.
This Lord used me to love this BOY like
He loves him as well as to teach me even a bit more about the
undeserving LOVE he has for me. I loved this boy for one day and
feel in love with him, and was able to see the Lord beautifully
through him. I cannot even fathom how the Lord Loves me and has seen
me through all the trials and separation I have caused between us. I
am feeling more and more like a beautiful daughter simply sitting and
cuddling in my Father’s lap.
