is believing in something you can not see.
About two and a half weeks ago I went to the
hospital like normal except I took a few extra minutes to go inside. I waited a
couple of minutes so that I could walk in with Zama (a little boy who spent
about a week in the hospital). Before I
went inside I had an overwhelming feeling that Eli wasn’t going to be
there. I almost needed someone to go
inside to make sure he was there and come back out to tell me. I couldn’t bare the thought of him not being
there. So many other children and adults
who my teammates had invested time in were no longer there. They always expected to see them the next
time and then one day they weren’t there. They were never given a warning, no chance to say goodbye. I couldn’t imagine the thought of never
getting to tell Eli goodbye. I knew that
I wanted to write him a letter that would hopefully be put into his file. I wanted him to know who he was to me and why
I chose Elijah for his name.
A few days later I went to the hospital just like
I had every Tuesday and went straight to the malnourished room to see Eli. There were a lot of people in the room so I
couldn’t see in very well. I saw Eli’s
bed and there was a different child there. I think I looked at least 3 times to
makes sure it wasn’t him. I didn’t want
to believe that he was actually gone. I
asked a nurse and all she knew 
was that someone can to take him the day before.
I finally found out that his grandfather had picked him up.
A little side note: I was able to see Eli on
Monday, the day before. Some of the team
and I went to visit another little boy and while I was there I went to say hi
to Eli. Kaci and I took him outside and
he showed the biggest improvement. He
was squatting and pulling himself back up; he would stand in the dirt, which he
usually hated; and he responded to me calling him by his name.
The day Eli was gone, all I wanted to do was sit
on the bench and cry. And that’s what I
did for a while. I had no motivation to
invest any time in anyone else. I hate
the feeling of knowing that I have to start at the beginning. After finally deciding to set aside my
insecurities, I went back inside to try again. Since that day I have had to step out of my comfort zone. I was comfortable with Eli; I felt safe while
I was with him. The Lord has been
teaching me that He wants to see us reach our full potential, but most of the
time it requires taking us out of our comfort zones.
I think back on the prayers that I prayed for Eli
and I try with all of my might to believe that the Lord has answered those
prayers. I prayed that he would grow up
in a home where he would be loved unconditionally, that he would grow up in a
home that loves the Lord, and that he would become a man who changes the world
for the name of 
Jesus. I do not know the people who took him, but I am having
faith that God wants to and is answering my prayers. I continue to pray that
Eli will be loved, if not from his family then feeling the love from the Lord. I
also pray that his grandfather will be the leader and example in his life so
that he can grow up to be the man God has created him to be. I am so thankful
that the Lord blessed with the time I was able to spend with Elijah. I miss him
terribly, but there is great comfort in knowing he is watched over by Jesus.
