Don’t panic

The struggle just gets harder and harder. God just keeps pushing me in ways I never thought he would. He has changed my life forever. I can never stop thinking about him. I’m always praying. Just always want to share his word. If you don’t know me here’s a little before Africa story. My name is Jackson Jacobs aka jack Im 19 and live in Sheffield Ohio. About 5 months ago I caught myself broken and depressed. Working a job I hate, not in college, trying to find happiness in drinking partying and girls, but yet just feeling so unhappy and like a complete loser. Then, next thing I know by the grace of God, I’m signed up for a 2 month Africa missions trip. I have no idea how or why it happened I literally didn’t even know where I signed up to go in Africa. But then I got accepted to go even though they knew I was a terrible kid messing up, living in sin. Three days after being accepted; I’m at work just in a complete crazy emotional state. Words and thoughts flowing through my brain like a river. Why are you going to Africa you’re a loser, you don’t know God and your supposed to go represent him, I want you to go, you need to go, but you don’t know anything, your going to miss the whole summer, these kids need you. I had God and the enemy screaming in both my ears. So with hearing all these things I do what any young man would have done. Throw a mantrum with God, telling him if he wants me to go he will raise all my money for Africa without me doing anything. I also decide I’m going to run away to California to be alone and study the bible for who knows how long. So I got off work and when I got home everyone was asleep in my house. I then proceeded to pack up everything, threw it in my car, and was on the road. I drove for about a hour and a half then heard God. “Quit being a baby this is not how I want you to do this and you know it, I have a plan you’re going for a reason turn around”. So I turned around went home went to sleep and just went to work the next day and planned on telling no one what I did or was going through. The thoughts and words were still there; I still had the enemy whispering in my ear. Then I caught myself texting my dad “can we talk tonight”. Which also to remind you doesn’t know about my party loser lifestyle. I had pulled myself away from him since he became a pastor. Once my dad became a pastor his fire exploded for God and I couldn’t stand it. I didn’t want to hear about it I was just so far away from God just hearing Gods name made my heart hurt. So I just kinda pushed myself away from my father secretly. But there I am broken and scared texting lets talk tonight. First and only text back from him “yes”. Now I’m at home sitting in my dark living room with just the tv on. Just me and my dad. I just pour out everything! I’m a loser I don’t know why I’m going to Africa I don’t know anything I ran away last night I’m 19 scared broken balling my eyes out just completely lost. God then used my dad to speak to me and said “you’re going to be ok youre finally doing it…. you’re fearing the lord he loves you Jack and is going to do incredible things threw you no matter your past he loves you and is going to use you.” That’s was the night I heard God. I heard not just my dad but God also saying ” it’s true I love you, it’s ok you messed up now come walk with me. Surrender your life to me.” So I listened I knew I needed a life change and realized I need God to do it. God then proceeded to work his plan out right after that night. I was blessed with 2 amazing mentors my dad and Brian P. Brian P even answered a prayer and got me a book called “how to understand the bible in 30 days”. I also got involved with the Avon men’s group who just accepted me with open arms and poured into me tremendous amounts. Gave me a mom who was willing to take the time to help get me all my shots and pack everything I needed. (Because I can barely fold cloths let alone pack them). Even blessed me with a amazing support and prayer group of people that helped fund me to go to Africa and start the kingdom journey he has for me. I have now been living in Swaziland Africa with 15 strangers for about a month and a half now. Within that time I have. Cleaned pig crap, taken 1 warm shower, made speed bumps out of rocks and dirt, shepherded cows and pigs, was selected at random to give my testimony are first Sunday during church, been leading a men’s group, experienced brokenness, have had to really %100 rely on God, had a person tell me “I’m afraid I’m going to starve to death” and it actually be a real factor, but mainly I have truly experienced gods love and power. God brought me here. He brought me here to pour into me. He brought me here to pour into others. He brought me here to realize I need him and without him I have nothing. Every day I struggle. I’m pretty sure every day I experience every human emotion there is. Every where I go here I can just feel God holding my heart. But out of feeling every emotion the main thing I feel is the joy and love God is pouring into me. Just constantly reminding me I love you. You messed up you were at rock bottom. But I was there with open arms. Now be there with open arms for these kids and adults. Tell them about me. Show them the power I have. Show them the love I have. Show them the kingdom I am building. Tell the man who is starving that he has nothing to worry about and I will satisfy his needs. Tell the kids who were abandoned by there parents I love them and didn’t abandon them. Tell your boss Cabelo I still love him even if he has broken some commandments. Tell yourself your not alone and I love you and will lead your path straight. On this trip God has satisfied all my needs. I have experienced it. He’s always there for me. I don’t deserve his love. But he still drenches me with it every day. God is good, God is great. If I told you that this mission trip was easy I would be lying hardcore. But if I told you God hasn’t changed my life on this trip that would also be a giant lie. I want to thank everyone back home for the support and prayer. Thank you specifically to my Mom, Dad, Brian P, Avon men’s group, all my supporters and my 4 top dogs, Laurin Derek Zach and Cody for just encouraging me all the way up to the day I left, and still praying and supporting me even while I’m gone. You all have helped support my new chapter in life. The chapter of surrendering and living for God. Acts 20:24 that’s how God has showed me how to live.